The Answer Was 'Peter Allen'

NEWSFLASH!

David Arquette's correct guess of Hugh Jackman's impersonated identity on Hugh Goes There has cost the station more than $20 million dollars in prize money.

As a consequence, station owner and local massage oil tycoon Ellen Degeneres has announced 100% cutbacks in all station expenses, including this blog.

2MB Community Radio - starting now!

The Ten Million Dollar Man

The identity of Hugh Jackman's impersonation on the number one rating quiz show Hugh Goes There remains a mystery, with incorrect guesses this week driving the ever-doubling prize pool above the $10,000,000 mark (plus 524,288 free spinal adjustments - approximately thirty years of non-stop chiropracterisation).

Station owner and massage oil tycoon Ellen Degeneres has met with co-Mayors Affleck and Leoni in a 'last ditch' attempt to avoid financial meltdown.

"The council will do everything it can to support Ms Degeneres in this looming local financial crisis," said co-Mayor Leoni, while a bleary-eyed co-Mayor Affleck looked on. "If Ms Degeneres goes down, we all go down."

When asked for comment, 2MB Community Radio station manager and permanent guest-in-residence of Ms Degeneres, Portia De Rossi simply stated that she 'couldn't imagine' Ms Degeneres going down.

"Not in a million freakin' years."

2MB Community Radio - doublin' your entendre!

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Tonight, on Tori's Spelling, 'Silent Letters: Is It Time For Their Voice To Be Heard?'

Regular host (and award-winning landscape gardener) Tori Spelling will conduct a phone poll on the standing of silent letters and whether or not they should be allowed to be spoken freely.

Callers are asked to 'Vote 'No' to condem-N silent letters to further suppression

or vote 'Yes' if you believe they've paid their de-B-t'.

2MB Community Radio - take your poll position

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News

Scandal at this year's Medical Practitioner of the Year Awards, as Dr Ioan Gruffudd's acceptance speech for 'Best Removal of a Wart, Verucca, Papula Or Other Prominent Skin Blemish In A Non-Anaesthetised Surgical Procedure' was interrupted by co-Mayor Ben Affleck.

"Not dissing you, Dr Gruff," said the co-Mayor. "But Dr Cross totally zapped a mole off my cheek in one of the greatest surgical procedures of all time." He then pointed to his right cheek and defied anybody to spot even 'the faintest remnants' of a scar.

Dr Cross later explained in her own acceptance speech ('Tidiest Operating Theatre') that the co-Mayor's mole had been on his left cheek and 'not his facial one either', which prompted a further unwelcome interruption by co-Mayor Affleck which, while confronting and eye-opening, did confirm the presence of a small scar.

The co-Mayor then celebrated by stage-diving into the nearest tables, spilling trout soup all over Dakota Fanning.

2MB Community Radio - plans to serve light beer next year.

Hear This, Hear This!

Local semi-retired architect Paul McCartney has reported that his new digitally-remastered hearing aid is 'frankly, a bit of a disappointment'.

"Sure," he said. "Everything sounds a lot clearer. Words are crisper. Sharper. More nuanced. But, let's face it, most people are still talking a lot of crap."

In related news, Madame Kidman's stint on breakfast radio has been extended yet again after regular host Jake Gylenhaal became covered in painful boils and welts. Still denying his show Fast! Break! is cursed, Mr Gylenhaal promises to return as soon as he can guarantee he won't ooze pus all over the broadcast console.

2MB Community Radio - take it easy, oozey

Time To Split

On this afternoon's edition of Kelsey's Grammar: Infinitives - To Boldly Split, Or Not?

With a side-discussion on the number of infinitives and why it is so totally not infinite.

Special guest: The surprise new host of upcoming spin-off show Tori's Spelling

2MB Community Radio - English, motherfreaker, do you speak it?

Panic Station

Station manager and permanent guest-in-residence of station owner and massage oil tycoon Ellen Degeneres, Portia De Rossi has urged on-air talent 'not to panic' over Hugh Jackman's recent rogue behaviour.

"Yes," she said. "Hugh has refused to reveal the identity of his impersonation (on his smash hit show Hugh Goes There?) to the board. And, yes, the prize pool for the first caller to guess the identity is now $655,360 (plus 32,768 free spinal adjustments) and doubling every week. Obviously, this is putting an enormous strain on the financial viability of the station. However, we remain confident that somebody will guess Hugh's identity soon and the business of running this radio station will return to normal. Until then, however, we are announcing an immediate wage cutback of 150%."

Ms De Rossi then passed the bucket around, yielding a 'disappointing' $4.50 and a half-packet of M&M™s.

2MB Community Radio - Don't Panic (see previous post)